A Salute to The Mullet
Business up front; Party in the back. We Salute you
All mulleteers around the globe:
To every man, woman or child around the world who unabashedly sports his or her mullet, we salute you. You bring us all a little bit closer together through the universal language of laughter. No matter what you call it - the hockeyfrilla in Sweeden, the Duitse Mat (German Mat) in Holland, the laspotiras (mudflap) in Greece or alla MacGyver in Italy - all non-mulleteers can agree that your haircut is absolutely hilarious in the best and most unintentional way possible.
Young man/woman and/or child-like creature, we salute you for showing your face in public - despite your better judgement - with your freshly hewn mullet. With your mom and dad rocking various forms of the mullet since you were a mere stain on the mattress, you had absolutely no chance of escaping this hairdo that has long since run its course, yet remains as timeless as ever. One day, you will escape the clutches of your momís K-Mart, do-it-yourself haircutting kit but, until that day comes, we hope you continue to proudly sport that mullet, carrying it on for the next generation of mulleteers.
Easily the most brash and unflinching style of mullet there is, we salute you, wearers of the skullet. While the vast majority of your head is completely bald and/or shaved, it is more than compensated by the flowing mane streaming down your backside. Historically, you are in good company, as this has proven one of the most popular and lasting of all mullet forms, popularized by Benjamin Franklin and later continued by Hulk Hogan, Dennis Franz and insufferable comedian Gallagher.
Obsessed Fans of the Mullet:
We salute you, obsessed fans of the mullet, for all the time and energy you expend combing through any public gathering in order to find the most aggressive mulletude that has ever been captured on film. Itís because of you that we have ridiculously funny categorical phrases like Mississippi Mudflap, Wisconsin Waterfall, Missouri Compromise, Ape Drape, Squirrel Pelt, Canadian Passport, El Camino Headrest, Neck Nugget, Camaro Crash Helmet, Beaver Paddle, Hockey Hair and the Achey Breaky Big Mistakey.